| Cocks and Throbbers | |
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Its crime licking time as Britain's naughtiest robbers, Pussy Cat and her trusty sidekick, Mouse Hole, are being pursued by two bungling cocks, Sergeants Spit and Roast. With more Dicks than Dock Green, this comic crime caper definitely has more slag than swag. By chance, when Spit and Roast stake out the public lavatories hoping for a bit of urinal action, Mouse Hole stops for a piss on her way home. After catching her with her knickers down, Roast and Spit proceed in many unholy directions, leaving Mouse Hole leaking more than just information and thoroughly banged to rights. Meanwhile, Pussy robs the local bigwig Iver Lotter-Knob displaying all her pussy skills. Using her feline spray, she traps Lotter-Knob in the bedroom and proceeds to lick him clean of all his valuables. She wipes her whiskers and leaves her calling card in a classic crime move called "The Cat Flap". When Mouse Hole returns home she find's Pussy washing the crime out of her hair, she moans to Pussy about her Spit Roast interrogation and Pussy meows to cheer her up. After a saucer or two, Pussy tucks into Mouse Hole's crack putting the purr into perfect pussy. Desperate to bang-up Pussy, Lotter-Knob gives the Chief of Police a right old bollocking. When the Mayor pops by to try and appease Lotter-Knob, they decide to make sure that the Chief has got the point. The Chief reassures them both by claiming she has her best cocks on the case. Spit and Roast think they have trapped Pussy, but Mouse Hole squeaks in to turn the tables. By over powering Spit and Roast they defeat the two crime fighters leaving them in a right old sticky mess.
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| Weapons of Mass Satisfaction | |
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HotMovies.com and Relish are proud to present the latest offering in their highly 'sexed-up' arsenal of filth, the military inspired explosive 'Weapons of Mass Satisfaction'. Scene 1-The Firing Squad: About to meet her maker, Private Sauce has been charged with double-dealing and deception. Captain Flash-Flies is in charge and Private's Moon and Flute are standing by ready, albeit half cocked. Private Sauce demands a fag as her last request, but hey, it's not that kind of movie - instead she settles for a last meal of truncheon meat. "Left, right, left, right, mess tins at the ready plenty of sauce to go round... quick munch!" Scene 2-Swallowing Orders: What's the most dangerous thing in the British army? An officer with a map! Or so the saying goes. Corporal Dipstick is learning to map read and thinks that Major Plonker is leading her to the NAFFY. Unbeknown to Dipstick, Plonker has different plans and is in fact leading Dipstick right into her pink love trench for some major commando manoeuvres. Scene 3-Dirty Foxhole: Pinned down by enemy fire, Lieutenant Lightweight is holding it firm in his foxhole when he's hit and cries out for a medic. Fortunately for him, Nurse Dish crawls in to aid his recovery. With the noise of battle all around, Dish brings Lightweight back to life with a bit of spit and polish. Lightweight returns the favour by digging deep into Nurse Dish by generously penetrating her behind her lines. Scene 4-The Downed Pilot: Bailing out behind enemy lines is a tricky business, but for lucky rear gunner Bob Lancaster it's all in a days work. Not only does he find a handy haystack to hide in, but also a couple of young peasant girls randomly lunching on their cunt boxes. Having been exposed, the rear gunner introduces himself to the young lovelies and sets about realising a couple of bouncing bombs into their dams. Scene 5-Privates on Parade: Sergeant Shrapnel is instructing Private's Shower and Shapely to the new ordinance. Grenades, mortar shells and missiles all need to be recognised and tested
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| Irregular Practice | |
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Ever woken up in the morning feeling a bit 'dicky', a bit sore, in need of a rub from healing hands? Well, at last there is a place where every medical problem can be seen to - however big or swollen, however small or tight. Welcome to "Irregular Practice", Britain's sauciest surgery! Meet Doctor Hornblower, a man armed with many instruments and a loose interpretation of the Hippocratic Oath! A shy but desperate patient has come to see the good doctor complaining of an acute anal problem - his wife refuses to marry him unless he takes her up her aisle! The good doctor proceeds to demonstrate the prescribed technique for "anus fuckundus" with comely Nurse Pillage as willing volunteer! Meanwhile downstairs in the sperm bank, Mr. Stout is having trouble depositing his load in the pot provided. But he need not worry because Nurse Matilda is on hand to provide a 'patient-friendly' environment. Missing the pot completely, Stout hangs around for some 'post-operative' care as Nurse Matilda spoons his creamy spillage into her own DD cup! Back in the waiting room a pretty young girl has lost her voice. Dedicated Nurse Bateman, always more interested in the patient than their disease, offers some very alternative medicine in the shape of her damp pussy and a big pink dildo to soothe the young lady's throat. Before long, she is utterly cured of laryngitis as she moans, groans and screams with ecstasy, and is left instead with a delightful dose of "lesbian-itis"! Upstairs Doctor Vanilla is dealing with a patient complaining of chronic hypochondria. Thinking that he only has hours to live the kindly consultant allows him to take her temperature using a three speed anal tickler that sets their pulses racing, her pussy panting and his knob throbbing! Finally, back in Doctor Hornblower's surgery Miss Tight, a virgin, is on the couch deluded that she is a nymphomaniac. The doctor pulls out his medical "dick-ionary" and with the assistance of Nurse Pillage's ample charms proceeds to illustrate how she is somewhat muddled with her
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| Anal Office Cock-Up | |
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The markets are crashing but the cocks are rising in this all action anal office drama. At City firm Lizard Brothers, the Friday dress down code is almost as stretched as the company limos. Into this 'laid back' routine walks the new incoming boss Miss Anal, sphincter by name and arsehole by nature. Before long she has insulted and upset almost everybody including the company's biggest client, multi-billionaire, Donald Thumper. To repair Miss Anal's cock-up, the Board dispatches their top trouble-shooter, Miss Turnover to the car park to placate Thumper. Soothed by her lubricating manner and impressed by her spreadsheet, Thumper's thumper does some 'insider dealing' by enjoying a three-way dividend with Turnover and Fredericks, his sultry chauffeur. Meanwhile, back in the office, secretary Miss Hap is suffering at the hands of manager Miss Placed as the latter implements Miss Anal's new internal policies. Miss Hap dreams of her revenge and roles are reversed as Miss Hap administers severe sexual punishment ordained by the Masonic Lodge of Secretaries, to Miss Placed for being a complete cunt. Finally, having been seduced into staying on by his P.A. Miss Filo Fax, the outgoing Chief Executive Larry Goodtime calls a board meeting to resolve the problem of Miss Anal, "public enema, Number 1". With Thumper and his lawyer in attendance, Goodtime delivers Miss Anal her corporate cum-up-pence as a flurry of hot tongues and angry cocks audit her assets.
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