Greek Lightning

Greek Lightning was shot on film , made during a time in American History when pornography was screened in theaters, so it's no shocker that it imitates popular narrative form-in this case, a hybrid of James Bond and Dragnet. This film offers insight into the heights that were reached by filmmakers in the seventies' public atmosphere of pornographic consumption. Therefore the film 's important, and not only in its historical context, but also in comparison to today's expectations of what sexually explicit material should, and does nor does not, deliver. Besides, the guys are hot and the film's a scream .

The film opens with one of the greatest title sequences I've ever seen in a dirty movie. A fast-paced montage features naked men who punch, kick, and point guns. Double exposures of silhouettes in block colors float across the screen like the opening to every James Bond picture . Swinging music seals the deal, the only missing element-the unmistakable bleat of Shirley Bassey. Over images of our hot-stuff hero Jimmy Hughes, as Johnny Acropolis, on the move, a Joe Friday voice over provides the back-story for the shenanigans soon to unfold.

Johnny has been hired to intercept photographs of a tattooed man before a "secret homosexual underground" can use these photos to destroy a high-powered politician's life. Acropolis hops from his car to meet a scraggly tattoo artist. They greet and immediately get down to business , a blowjob. The raven-haired tattooist sucks Hughes' pretty cock . Hughes is simultaneously gorgeous and unassuming, a rare feat. He has a terrific body and a set of impeccable pecs. Hughes fucks the tattooist but is interrupted by an emergency call from his boss's secretary. He pulls out, apologizes, and pays the tattooist for the photos.

He then drives to meet his usual contact, a blonde. The contact briefly sucks Acropolis off. They pull into a gas station and the contact is shot while exiting the restroom. Hughes chases the shooter, but someone else, unseen, kills the shooter. As the man lay dying, he utters the words "Queen Bee." Acropolis asks a sexy British man, Rex, played by Jon Steele, to help dispose of the body. When they go inside, Acropolis discovers that Rex is the man in the photographs with the mysterious tattoos. Acropolis asks Rex to undress, which of course sparks sex. Johnny Acropolis sucks Rex while firmly holding his round, tight, tattoo covered ass. They sixty-nine and Acropolis oozes his love liquid onto Rex's chest.

The plot becomes really convoluted at this point, virtually impossible to understand. But just as the story gets confusing, it gets wildly entertaining . Queen Bee, with highlighted, high-piled hair and wearing a red sequin turtleneck, discusses his plans with his henchman Mark to dispose of "that Greek bastard ." Queen Bee reminds Mark to do his job well, since he hires gays because they are "so very meticulous and very talented." This is one of the other great aspects of this film, the silly yet complicated character of Queen Bee, a muumuu sporting flamer who spends his time trying to socially ruin homosexuals. The Joe Friday voice tells us that the seeds of his evil ways were sown when he was arrested for trying to stage a Roman orgy in public. So now, inexplicably, he's "against gays."

The sloppy, surreal exuberance is almost like nothing else I've ever seen. This free-for-all feel reaches its zenith when Rex and Johnny are at a bar and Mark approaches. Rex goes to the restroom and is chloroformed. Johnny goes home with Mark and fucks him. He wakes up and Mark is missing. The phone rings. Rex tells Johnny he was jumped and Johnny replies with a nonchalant explanation for leaving with Mark. Johnny then goes to the Greek Amphitheater to recover Rex. Rex is shot and he embarks on a cat-and-mouse through he theater. Sound crazy?

Well , it is. Johnny is caught and brought to Queen Bee's lair. Johnny gets smacked in the face by hunky Billy's huge erection while Queen Bee extols the sexual virtues of his minions, pulling his dick out from his dashiki and forcing Mark to suck on it. As he slams Mark's head back and forth, he rolls out a disturbingly erotic and funny list of the pleasures he receives from oral sex, like"swollen , fevered cock , heated and soothed at the same time!"

Billy and another henchman, Marty are told to abuse Johnny Acropolis until he gives the information they want (at this point, don't think even the actors know exactly what that information is). Billy plunges his big rig into Acropolis' ass and bangs way at him, his big, hairy balls slapping against Johnny. The fast , heavy pounding is made all the hotter by the fact that Johnny is tied spread eagle, legs in the air. Billy leaves and Marty enters. Instead of abusing Johnny, he sucks his cock and then unties him.